Finding Autonomy Outside Of The Gender Binary
Finding Autonomy Outside Of The Gender Binary is a story shot by a New York-based photographer Karla Del Orbe, in which Karla explores the topic of gender with Emile, a model, photographer, and graphic design student. The shoot took place in Karla’s Brooklyn apartment, creating a condition that allowed to encourage a creative approach in a calm and relaxed atmosphere. Authenticity and personality are the main themes explored; an opportunity to open up before a photographer provides yet another layer to the research of oneself.
We speak with Karla and Emile to find out details about the shoot, discuss the way trust is built on set, and the approach towards achieving a natural, powerful yet vulnerable appearance.
Speaking openly about enduring dysphoria, sharing an experience being a non-binary person both on camera and in writing is an important step towards driving a conversation and helping young people going through the same struggle of finding strength and love towards themselves and their uniqueness. Emile, in an honest and powerful way, opens up about their journey towards self-identification and finding comfort with their body after years of confrontation with societal prejudices.
‘The fact that I use my room as a studio to shoot, I think, contributes to making the environment feel warmer and more comfortable for both the person I am working with and myself.’
— Karla Del Orbe
Capturing the personality and authentic character may sound an easy thing to do but not that simple to achieve as both sides need to be open and willing to cooperate. What are some essential aspects for you to successfully reach this point?
Karla: The fact that I use my room as a studio to shoot, I think, contributes to making the environment feel warmer and more comfortable for both the person I am working with and myself. Emile’s energy was very affable, so we got along pretty well, and our ideas matched right away. It helped to make everything easier and gave a lot of space for creativity to flow.
Emile: Trust is essential. When I met Karla in person for the first time, the atmosphere was warm and bright. I immediately felt comfortable opening up in front of the camera for her. I was confident in exploring my physicality and presence in the space she provided. It was cathartic: dressing up, dressing down, and generally haunting her Brooklyn apartment.
‘One thing I was very specific about was that I wanted their face and hair to look very natural. I wanted images that portray stark and authentic beauty.’
— Karla Del Orbe
What did you discuss prior to the shoot in terms of styling and the end image you wanted to create?
Karla: I sent a few images to Emile as inspiration, but at the same time, I wanted to leave it very open for us to mess around and see what we could create (styling-wise). All the pieces Emile brought were very versatile, which led to a simple but still pronounced look. One thing I was very specific about was that I wanted their face and hair to look very natural. I wanted images that portray stark and authentic beauty. And that’s exactly what we achieved, in my opinion.
Emile: I was thrilled when Karla left the styling open, giving some welcome creative elbow-room to play. Style is a fluid artistic extension of self, and I enjoyed collaborating with Karla to reflect the authentic softness and strength I see embodied in her work. What we came up with by pooling our wardrobes was both abrasive and vulnerable, and for me, exposed internal simultaneity.
‘Sharing my experience as a non-binary individual is important to me, as growing up in the conservative deep south, my only connection to contextualizing my gender dysphoria was what I saw through media.’
Speaking about identity, the personal path towards self-acceptance and self-realization requires strength. It also is empowering for others struggling with the same questions. What part do you think photography plays in this conversation of one with the self and eventually the other?
Emile: Photography is a powerful tool enmeshing the photographer, subject, and audience into a symbiosis of perception and experience. My body is a physical representation of experience and by the extent, my identity. Sharing my experience as a non-binary individual is important to me, as growing up in the conservative deep south, my only connection to contextualizing my gender dysphoria was what I saw through media.
I want to confront people’s perceptions of gender through my physical experience and make room for those who don’t fit with conventional expectations of identity. You can wear a dress, a suit, nothing at all - it doesn’t matter, your identity is yours. There are things I’ve been told that are unappealing about my body like my collection of stick and poke tattoos, body hair, and chest scars from the consequences of improper chest binding. But despite the insistence of some (especially trad cis men), I love these aspects of who I am, they show I’m alive, and my heart is beating on the other side of the lens just like yours.
What are some other of your professional preferences that recur from one work to the next?
Karla: I’ve always used digital cameras, depending on the project. It lets me play around more, and I have less to think about. Sometimes I capture images that I wouldn’t be able to with an analog camera. It’s like a non-stop shutter, I warm up with it and look for that momentum to then capture it with the analog. But, as I mentioned, it always depends on the shoot. Sometimes I just want to slow down and chat while shooting.
Street photography is best served in the analog form, in my opinion. While I didn’t actually study photography, I went to school to study advertising and took some classes on how to use digital and analog cameras. I also took graphic design classes, which lately have been very influential with my experiments in composition, layout, color, etc.
What is the most memorable moment or episode from the shooting day or the preparation for it?
Karla: As random as it may sound, when Emile arrived, I was still getting ready. Where I live, I have to go to the hallway to get to the bathroom since I have a separate entrance. There I was with my rope and a shower cap, getting out of the shower when I opened the door to the hallway to go to my room, and Emile was already there, waiting for me. I was so ashamed, I never let anyone see me in a shower cap. Yikes! Not to mention the fact that I was late... but Emile seemed super chill, and from that moment I knew everything was going to be very smooth.
Emile: I identify as non-binary. What this means for me personally is that I prefer to be viewed as more masculine. That being said, I don’t think clothing or makeup has a gender; both are just another form of creative self-expression. I experience dysphoria when it comes to my appearance, but recently I’ve been working hard on accepting who I am and my body.
It’s been a journey. When I was younger, dysphoria ruled my life. I would chest bind daily, and because I did not have the proper information, I used dangerous binding methods. The pressure from that led to a large painful mass developing in my left breast. This required corrective surgery on my chest and I will always have scars. I’m not angry though, they remind me of how far I’ve come, and they’re just part of who I am.
I’m finished trying to fit in a slot not made for me. So no, I won’t shave my legs or under my arms. I like them hairy. I like how they look. No, I won’t bind or wear a bra. It’s uncomfy, and I’m done caring that some people, especially cis men, care if my ‘tits sag’ or if I pass one hundred percent as what is conventionally deemed masculine. You can’t let other’s prejudices inform your actions or control how you live your life. Wear what you want and do what you want. I am immensely grateful to have voices in my life which affirm and inspire me to live authentically. Not every trans experience is the same, and creating a robust support network is one of the most important things you can do for yourself as a young queer person. It’s my hope everyone can exist happily in their bodies and surround themselves with people who encourage that.
