Self

Submission by Carolyne Loreé Teston Words by Nastasia Khmelnitski

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Sensual, fierce, thought-provoking, almost dream-like experience unfolds in the black and white short films shot on Super 8 by Carolyne Loreé Teston. The tactile feeling of touching a flower, tasting the peach, feeling one’s body in a subtle manner is juxtaposed with powerful movements and gestures, which invite to open a discourse about what seems contradictory. The dichotomy is often viewed as such, failing to accept the possibility of co-existence of the range of expressions coming to life at once. Uneasiness, which is present, emphasizes the importance of discourse about femininity and its redefinition under the emerging awareness.

The female gaze of the creator questions everything we have seen before with the hypnotic revelation the films offer. As the petals, easily removed from the core of the rose, we are allowed to enter the deeper layers of meaning, revealing more of the information with each time we rewatch it.

Carolyne Loreé Teston is an artist based in New York, working with analogue photography and films. She graduated from the University of Georgia with a B.A. in Fine Arts. Carolyne’s focus is on the exploration of the femme gaze through portraiture. She aims to deconstruct restraints and depict the contrasting concept of femininity today.

In this interview, we speak with Carolyne about her work Self, two-parts short film, in black and white, which were shot during the pandemic surge in New York. We discuss the chosen medium for the project, the tension and dichotomy presented with the chosen theme, and the props used. Carolyne explains, “The films are an exploration of my inner thoughts on the blurred dichotomy between my natural feminine being and the pressure I feel to present myself in a certain way to the outside world.”

The Film

Hi Carolyne, we’re happy to publish your short films focusing on self-exploration in WÜL Magazine. How would you define the main anchors which you decided to include in the creation of the story?

I feel that vulnerability, consumption, strength, feminine pressures, and societal beauty standards act as some of the main anchors in these two films.

‘I used the self-timer, which allows for 10 seconds per shot, and the lack of pre-production leading up to each shot felt suspenseful to me.’

The Medium

Filming on Super 8, enables building a unique atmosphere due to the imperfections of the film, but it also poses some challenges stemming from the short timeframe each roll allows. Why did you choose this format? How do you work around some of its limitations? 

I chose Super 8 as the medium for this project because the film quality reminds me of beautiful old home movies, which brought comfort to me. My Super 8 camera is small and from the late 1970s. I love to work with simple, low-tech tools that require little production overall.

I did minimal planning before I started shooting this project as I wanted the medium’s nature to inform my performance. I used the self-timer, which allows for 10 seconds per shot, and the lack of pre-production leading up to each shot felt suspenseful to me. I prefer to have the medium in which I’m working let me know how to approach the project. When I have time and space to create without any external influence or input, I enjoy setting up a scene and having several tools at my disposal while observing what I make on the spot in real-time.

‘I often ask myself why being considered beautiful is so important to me and many other femme-presenting people. These films were a love letter to all women.’

The Theme

Some of the recurring elements in your work are feminine gaze, a body-positive approach, and inclusiveness. In this film, the tension between sensuality and power is presented through the softness of the rose petals, the texture of the apricot, and the lingerie, while strength is established through body postures and interactions with objects. What emotions do you strive to build with the narrative of the film? 

The theme is autobiographical in a sense. The films are an exploration of my inner thoughts on the blurred dichotomy between my natural feminine being and the pressure I feel to present myself in a certain way to the outside world. I often ask myself why being considered beautiful is so important to me and many other femme-presenting people. These films were a love letter to all women. I hope we can be soft with one another and allow each of us to explore what femininity means to us as individuals — to recognize how it’s not easy to always feel strong and whole in our modern society. It can seem very confusing to live in a place that simultaneously tells us to love our bodies at any stage while also explaining to us how the ultimate contemporary beauty standards we should aspire to are now more severe than ever in a world saturated with Facetune, facial filler Groupons, and Instagram plastic surgery filters.

The sensuality of the apricot and the petals juxtaposed with the tension and strength of the body postures helped me articulate the inner push and pull I feel some days. I felt free, autonomous, and self-possessed while I made the films. When I watch them, I feel melancholic yet somewhat hopeful. I hope that if we can be aware of what we’re consuming and observe our inner feelings on our hardest days, then we can decipher the difference between what is being thrust upon us as acceptable and aspirational and what is actually true for us as individuals. That truth will look different for each of us, and I believe truth is freedom.

What are some of the upcoming projects you’ll be working on? 

I’m currently in the beginning stages of publishing meetings for two books I’m making. One is an annual art journal where photographers and other visual artists explore the idea of how we see ourselves in one another. The second book will be filled with classic portraiture featuring many different women along with abstract essays or pieces of writing from each person.

I’m also continuing my series of self-portrait films shot on Super 8 and 16mm, which will help me explore aspects of my psyche, past, and hopes/fears for future generations.