I Am A Fan Of Self-Restraint

Featuring Kseniya Vashchenko Words by Nastasia Khmelnitski

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An elusive, barely perceptible scent of the freedom of the persona in a surrealistic manner is present in Kseniya Vaschenko’s work. The acquaintance with the character dissolves in a fog of the day-to-day and comes in a surprising demand to awake one’s feelings. The delicate yet powerful way to present sexuality touches on the thin line between the real and surreal worlds. The merge of the mediums, the technical aspect of work with light, the manual post-production of the photographs proposes a distinct, personal perception easily recognized as Kseniya's visual voice.

Kseniya Vaschenko is a photographer originally from Siberia, currently living and working in Saint Petersburg. Kseniya came a long way from studying towards a Law Degree in Tyumen, working as a wedding photographer towards pursuing her dream: moving to Saint Petersburg, and starting her career as a fashion photographer.

In this in-depth, very personal interview, we touch on Kseniya’s story of becoming, her childhood memories of the first catwalk in her grandparents' house, and her first experience as a young photographer with her father’s camera. We speak about cinema and literature, discuss her favorite film directors, the impact Jodorowsky, Kusturica, and Tarkovsky had on her as a person and a creator, and leave some time to speak about Kseniya’s technique.

I Am

Hi Kseniya, we’re happy to have you in our magazine. Let’s start by discussing your way to photography. 

I'll start from my childhood memories that now play a significant role in my work, and to which I always refer. I've been familiar with photography since I was a kid. We first encountered, when I picked up my father's 5-megapixel point-and-shoot camera. At that point in time, I was already quite creative. I loved music, drawing, theater; I was also interested in fashion.

It started in 2004 — 2005

I was born in a very small provincial town in the Tyumen Region, in Russia, a town that was practically cut off from the rest of the world. My grandfather installed a satellite, which allowed us access to 80 channels from different countries. One day, when I stayed with my grandmother for a weekend, I saw something incredible. As a child, I looked with an inexperienced gaze, enchanted, as long-legged nymphs walked a long runway, wearing incredibly beautiful outfits, smiling, happy, they were splendid.

Since then, my favorite pastime was visiting my grandmother's during weekends, where I, cut off from people, was spending time in a living-room, with a TV that replaced the whole world for me, turning off the lights (during the autumn-winter period), I was diving into the world of beauty and happiness. I could spend 5 hours like that. The magic didn't last long; after a couple of months, the satellite was struck by lightning and burned down. A year later, my father bought a digital camera, but he wouldn't allow anyone to touch it. One day, when I was home alone, I couldn't avoid the temptation to check what it was. My mom worked in the tax office, and they were provided with new uniforms: shirts, jackets, a skirt, trousers, and shoes. I took this opportunity and decided to have a fashion show at home with no audience. I took a series of photographs with a flash on my forehead, against the Soviet curtains as a background, featuring various looks. For a kid, the photo session turned out to be quite provocative, let's not forget - it was the 2000s, and I was still under the influence of the long-legged nymphs. I didn't know the photos were being saved, and I thought no one would see them. But, the naive kid didn't suspect that the next day, her dad would come home with an armful of printed images and will happily announce that these were masterpieces, and then will share them with the relatives.

So it all started

When I was a teenager, it was difficult to interest me, but when I started carrying a camera with me to parties, rehearsals, and discotheques, I realized that I could not leave the house without it.
I was interested in many things, not just in photography. I loved music, played in a local rock band, I loved documenting my adolescence. Photography was and is for me - a side effect, a secondary thing that passes through me and is not a goal, rather a result.

I had an LJ (LiveJournal page) and virtual rocker friends from Moscow and St. Petersburg, I loved photographing myself at home when no one was there. I took self-portraits, colored my hair in Photoshop (I wanted it to be red), and the next day at school, my friends were asking me how do I manage to dye my hair so quickly? (laughs) At 18, my parents gave me a camera. Then I realized that it would be interesting to photograph people. I invited my girlfriends, took their portraits, and processed photographs at home.

Where did you study?

I had a Soviet upbringing, so I never considered creativity as the main possible income or a profession. In the 11th grade, when the question of where to study emerged, I, like all my grown-up friends, decided to move to the city and apply to a Law Degree. At that time, I was still photographing. My studies didn't interfere with it. I studied at an excellent academy. It made me stronger and gave an excellent education, besides, there was a large community of talented and creative individuals.

2010-2013 were great years for creativity. I met different people, was engaged in music, singing, folklore, traveling across Russia. I loved photographing my girlfriends in the forests, at locations, in the city, at home. My favorite thing was buying fabrics from sewing stores and making dresses for them.

It all stopped in 2013

I stopped photographing. Time passed, and there were only several years left before the end of the studies. It was necessary to decide - what should I do next? I realized photography was taking a lot of time, so I decided to give it up. In a simple and easy manner to turn away from what was dear to me.

A good future awaited me at the academy, I wanted to become a lawyer. I was a good student, and I wanted to get a doctoral degree. Several years passed this way, in pathetic attempts to make something out of myself. It didn't work out, obviously. As soon as I graduated with honors, my academy was closed, I didn’t start the doctorate, I worked as a lawyer, but I didn’t like it. It wasn't something I imagined, I was stressed, had insomnia and depression.

‘I had a Soviet upbringing, so I never considered creativity as the main possible income or a profession.’

How did you build the steps to fashion photography? 

It was the end of 2016 when I realized that I wanted only one thing - to photograph. I bought the cheapest camera and decided to start all over. As an adult, I never thought that photography and fashion were two related concepts, and I didn't strive to shoot fashion. I just needed to start. It was difficult. I posted on social media that I'm looking for models, and was extremely happy when people agreed to participate. I photographed everything: I worked on projects, photographed weddings, couples, pregnant women, families, children, women. It was a wonderful experience; it taught me a lot, helped in developing speed, in understanding how to approach different people, and the ability to win over people. The same year, on such an uplifting note, I decided to stop everything and move to St. Petersburg, where I knew no one and nothing but I wanted to live there.

The same thing over again: a clean slave, left with your ambitions. The only problem is that while it's possible to fill in the clean slave, ambitions tend to break upon reality. I had to look for people again, but I learned a lot from my experience. I started shooting. All the same: families, children, couples, weddings. In 2017, I got bored with it; I didn't feel the same euphoria and magic that I felt when I was just starting. It was stuffy and cramped, with not enough oxygen; I wanted to breathe. On an intuitive level, I understood I had to move on. Later I learned that there are models (professional models), agencies, and designers. I became curious as to how I can incorporate it in my work. I didn't know where to start, where to go, I still had no connections and friends in St. Petersburg, but I was extremely curious. I watched videos, read articles and books, but it all lacked the magic of a live conversation, so I wrote to Zhenya Petrushevsky, a photographer, asking him to show me briefly what it's all about. One day, he said, "you'll have great photographs." This phrase turned everything for me. I woke up in the morning and fell asleep with this thought.

In 2018, I started shooting models presented by small local agencies. I was photographing on the streets, near the bay, later filming a reportage at spbwf, which allowed me to meet talented people. In 2019, I was introduced with studio lighting. I was lucky to enroll in a course by Maxim Churkin. After finishing the course, I was inspired to take photos for the sake of lighting. My photographs lacked photography and lacked me. I was wondering, what am I doing wrong? Later, I realized that I was using the information I've been given wrongly. I am a fan of self-restraint. I believe that whatever you do, you need to build your path with a thin red line; a solid clear thread should be present and apart from a wide line. Only by removing all the unnecessary, you'll see the scale of what you could do. Dig deeper, refuse to stay on the surface.I shot a lot of creative projects, worked with different imagery and lighting, which allowed me to understand what I like or don't like, what is hot and what is cold.

Today, I work with the same people, shoot the same models, in the same place - 28 square meters, and on my set, there's always the same light. I can't say exactly when I started shooting, but I know one thing that photography was always somewhere near me, always at hand. It always supported me in difficult situations. It's 2020, and it's exactly 4 years since the moment I told myself that I want to be in photography; 3 years - that I want to do only photography; and 2 years that I cannot do without it. It's because I have nothing else. Therefore, when I'm asked where I studied photography, I answer nowhere. The reason is that no one can teach you better than personal experience.

‘I don't know, I think that living this global pause made me 'hold my horses' a bit, made me slow down, look at other things and remind myself that there is life beyond work, work, work.’

Cinema & Literature

In your social media network, you tend to share information and suggestions on books and films. Who are some of the authors or film directors who had a major impact on you as a person or a creator? 

I got acquainted with cinema from Emir Kusturica's films. I don’t know other directors who could with such an ease, simplicity, and humor express difficult experiences. I remember the levitation scene in Arizona Dream, in which the main character (young Johnny Depp) falls in love first with the mother and then with the daughter. It was filmed in a naive yet powerful manner. I also love the scene, when the main character (the daughter) plays a melody on the accordion. When I'm sad, I often hum it, it's magical. 

Kusturica’s Time of the Gypsies, Life Is A Miracle, Underground also influenced me. I love cinema, which shows how politics, power, and money affect people's lives.

Andrei Tarkovsky - his personality is as interesting as his films. I recommend reading his lectures about cinema. Ivan's Childhood, Stalker - are films that fill and sober me up. 

What is the most memorable scene or dialogue that comes to your mind? 

The particularly memorable scene is the reflection on being from Stalker.

“Let what was thought of to come true. Let them believe. And let them laugh at their passions; because what they call passion in fact is not mental energy, rather friction between the soul and the external world. And most importantly, let them believe in themselves and become helpless like children, as weakness is powerful and strength - negligible…

When a person is born, he is weak and flexible; when he dies, he is strong and callous. When the tree grows, it is soft and flexible, and when it is dry, it dies. Callousness and strength are death's companions, flexibility and softness express the freshness of being. Therefore, what is solidified will not take over."

This year I learned about Alejandro Jodorowsky's work. At the moment, I can confidently say he is my favorite film maestro, my favorite life teacher. What he does and says is incredible. The Holy Mountain and The Mole left an imprint not only on my work but also on my perception of the world. My dream is to meet him in person. I was raised on Russian culture, so I really love Russian classical literature. Dostoevsky and Bulgakov are near to my heart; I love poetry by Akhmatova, Tsvetaeva, Yesenin, Mandelstam, Mayakovsky. Now I am interested in German and English classics: Somerset Maugham, John Fowles; and I also love literature of exile: Thomas Mann, Stefan Zweig, Erich Maria Remarque, Nabokov, Brodsky, etc.

‘I can't say that my goal was to manipulate the audience's impressions, and I could not think that this would somehow affect my work.’

Technique

One of the most prominent features of the technique you choose to perform is working with the printed images, creating an old feel to the photograph manually - folding the prints. When did you begin this approach? What influenced you to start manipulating the atmosphere and the emotional background for the image to create a different experience for a viewer? 

I can't say that my goal was to manipulate the audience's impressions, and I could not think that this would somehow affect my work. I became interested in print a year ago. At one point, I realized that I didn't like digital. I loved the color, but something was missing. I started thinking: what should I be doing? I had two options: to start shooting on film or to come up with something even more accessible to me. 

I'm a lazy person, and I had only bought a DSLR two years ago and didn’t have enough time to enjoy it. Film takes a lot of time, and I'm very impatient. So, I decided to experiment with printing and scanning. Printing is a very complex and meticulous process; I have a dedicated person who does this on professional equipment as I have no opportunity to buy my own. Finding a professional specializing in print is very important. This person feels you just like a stylist or a model. I'm lucky as I have such a person, her name is Larisa - a wonderful master. In general, I advise everyone to print their photos. In the future, I think switching to film when budget, opportunities, and skill level will allow.

‘The choice of the model doesn't depend on their sex, gender, nationality, or race. For me, everyone is equal in this regard.’

Model Agencies

You worked with a variety of model agencies and talents. What are some of the criteria important for you when looking for a subject for a new shot?

I had no criteria on whom and how to shoot. Today on intuition level, I know whom I can trust and who can trust in me. I often refuse models and people who would like to shoot with me if I feel that we will not be able to work together. It's the same with commercial projects. I'm a selfish person, and if I realize that I will not get what I need or that I cannot give what's needed, it will be a waste of my time. The main thing is to feel trust and be on the same page. 

Is it different casting a male and a female model?  

It's important for me that the model doesn't limit my freedom and entrusts me to control the situation, but at the same time, we should both feel comfortable. The choice of the model doesn't depend on their sex, gender, nationality, or race. For me, everyone is equal in this regard.

‘I cannot provide a definite answer to what values ​​are manifested in my work, but it's nice to realize that my work awakens some feelings and emotions: good or bad — it doesn't matter, when a person experiences something it's always valuable.’

Alejandro Jodorowsky

You shared a short video of Alejandro Jodorowsky speaking about the idea of healing the world, which is impossible, offering instead to go deep into the unconscious and the personal values to enrich the world. What are your values that surface in your work? 

His words reminded me of my own experience. Once, my only thought was how to save the world. I dreamed of justice and utopia, in which the offender is punished, and the innocent return home. Later, I realized that whoever you are, the system and society will break you. So, you begin to study yourself, which leads to healing. 

Someone moves to the village, someone starts writing poetry and novels, someone starts studying medicine at the age of 30, and I started taking pictures. It's because I feel that this way I can give more to the world than if I were a lawyer or a judge. Everyone has their path and values: the doctor gives minutes of physical life, the painter poses problems, the peasant carries the value of the land. It's hard for me to analyze what I'm doing now. I cannot provide a definite answer to what values ​​are manifested in my work, but it's nice to realize that my work awakens some feelings and emotions: good or bad - it doesn't matter, when a person experiences something it's always valuable.

Weekends

How do you tend to spend your weekends or days off? 

I prefer to spend weekends with my family: at home or in nature. I like to be alone. I can lie all day on the couch or sleep, it has a therapeutic effect on me. I don't like outdoor activities and nightlife - it tires me. When I'm in the mood, I can meet a friend, or go to a museum, but this is rare. I am very lazy in this regard.

Upcoming Projects

What are your plans for this year?

At some point, I stopped making plans, both in personal life and with my creative work. I prefer to fantasize and dream about things. I have never shot or lived abroad. It would be great to live and shoot in Berlin, London. Well, I also have a dream - to visit the United States: New York and Los Angeles; just travel around the country. I also dream of Chile, Peru, Tibet. I love St. Petersburg, I have a Soviet upbringing, I grew up on traditional Russian culture, but I didn't choose this and the West always attracted me.

What are you working on right now?

Now I shoot a lot of creative projects, I don't currently work on personal projects, but I feel that I will divide some of the shootings into groups because it turns out they are united with common ideas. It would be great to publish a book or have an exhibition in the future. It's very interesting. I should think about it, but currently, it's only in my dreams.